nut hugger
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
