I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
