ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
