Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
