These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
