So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
