I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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