dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
