He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
