I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
