In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
