erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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