Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
