so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
