i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
