she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
