I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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