I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
