Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
