Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
