i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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