I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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