I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
