i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
