I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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