Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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