When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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