he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
