do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
