try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
