You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
