I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
