Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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