I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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