Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
