I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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