imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
