I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
