fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
