Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
