I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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