im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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