i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
