And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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