Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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