I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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