You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
