oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
