well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
