i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
