sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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