I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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