The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
