He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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