Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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