You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
