i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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