I want to have your abortion
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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