Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize