i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
