This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
