I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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