so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
