How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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