you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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