I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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