no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
