And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i can't believe i had my finger in that
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
