I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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