but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
